i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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