spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
