you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
