She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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