I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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