yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
