I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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