The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
