it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
