So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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