I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
