Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
