Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are two peas in an std pod
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
