Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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