i think my tv is drunk
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I came so hard my ears popped.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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