Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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