My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
