haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize