saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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