if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
