I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize