and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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