So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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