I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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