my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
