I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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