my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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