she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
