i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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