Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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