You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
