I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As shirtless as possible
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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