Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
