Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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