This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
