that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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