i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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