so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
