the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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