It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
