this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
