My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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