Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
