Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
