I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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