i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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