I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
