it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
