the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
