Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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