The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
