I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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