I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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