Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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