Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
