I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
