I bet he comes in French.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
