Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
